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Most people have never had a good understanding of love, just a poor interpretation of it.

Generation-Y seems to be the first generation moving away from conventional takes on romantic, loving relationships.

Stay sober, stay smart, and if someone goes to rape you, run for ze hills, screaming your head off. I got the impression that I could, should, and would run circles around guys. And I was sure as shit not going to let any of them hurt me. I sneered at, and even humiliated men as a teenager, and if a guy liked me, I fairly resented him for it. As I saw him lean cautiously through the auditorium door in the flickering disco light (skinny kid, blond crew cut, windbreaker), I felt my heart ball up in a fist, and thought, So, I ignored him. But it was reinforced by the notion that men were something to be dealt with, but not at all necessary or required.

Probably a good idea not to let any even get near me. At 14, I had what might be considered my first boyfriend. After two daytime dates held within earshot of parental supervision, I invited him to a dance at the boys’ school. I returned to the safety of my friends and we watched him amble from one poorly lit corner of the room to the other, looking for me. I felt bad, but the way I see it now, not bad enough. When my mother got wind of what happened, she said, “What is wrong with you? …And Why This Became a Problem Flash forward to adulthood and you can imagine how this might set me up with a bit of a handicap.

Dan and Marty, also Alex’s roommates in a shiny high-rise apartment building near Wall Street, can vouch for that. “She works at—” He says the name of a high-end art auction house. And yet a lack of an intimate knowledge of his potential sex partners never presents him with an obstacle to physical intimacy, Alex says.

I’d heard about how girls were cowed by the boys in public schools. For instance, we never mooned about waiting for someone to ask us to a school dance because when our school hosted one, it was on us to do the inviting. I took this as a promise not to let anything, or anyone, get in my way. (I’ve since google stalked him and was happy to find that he was working as a computer technician in San Jose.

Girls who didn’t get a shot at leadership, or acted dumb. During our senior year, we were shown some horrible video about how to avoid being the unfortunate drunk girl who gets date raped at a frat party. Then the letters started–scrawled black ink on both sides of thin looseleaf, declarations of love and war, and even threatened suicide, which scared me, even if I knew they likely weren’t true. I’m sure he never thinks of it–at least I hope he doesn’t.) I can’t blame feminism for my piss-poor behavior of course, which I chalk up to fear, insecurity, and anything else that rules the mind and emotions of a 14-year-old girl.

Beings I’d ogle and wonder at from the stands of a high school football game or at a dance. As students of Oak Knoll High School, we weren’t just students.

They were infrequent visitors in my life and I was a tourist in theirs. We were “women of promise.” We were the promise of a better future.




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