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The path that led me from wife to widow had been long, crooked, and painful.

I had spent the previous two years watching my husband fight, with grace and heartbreaking optimism, a rare and aggressive form of esophageal cancer.

I asked questions in oncologists' offices and took notes.

I cried on the phone to impassive health insurance bureaucrats.

“The responsible, clinical answer to any question like that is, ‘It all depends,’” observes Henry Seiden, a Forest Hills, NY-based psychoanalyst who has worked extensively with people in dealing with grief.

It’s not always easy to gauge how a person is really coping.

Consoling a friend who’s grieving the loss of a long-term love is challenging.

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I would have been dating again within a year if I had not been in a car accident that put me out of action for 9 months.

For the first year after her husband Mort died of cancer, Mary Childs, now 68, looked mainly to her two sisters and her quilting friends for comfort and a social connection.”I couldn’t do much more than that," says the Lakewood, CO, retired nurse.

”On the one occasion that I attended a couples’ function with friends from our past, I was totally uncomfortable.” Indeed, many people who lose a spouse often feel like when it comes to socializing, it's a couples' world.

Also, if the person was terminally ill and that illness took a long time to run it’s course, the widowed person may have done a lot of grieving prior to the actual occurrence of death and might be ready to date earlier than ‘the experts’ predict.

For me, it was 18 months before I considered dating again.




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