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In Twelve Step programs, and especially in Steps Four through Ten, PIRs learn how to develop healthy relationship skills.

When they finally manage to get past all of the chemical baggage that they had been carrying with them for so long, what you will find in most instances is that former addicts have just as many outstanding qualities as anyone else, and this can make them a joy to be around for family and friends alike. Is it wise to form a more intimate connection with an ex-addict or alcoholic, no matter how dramatically they appear to have turned their lives around?

When it comes to an addiction disorder, deceit, manipulation, and friendships with fellow drinking or drugging buddies are too often the rule, rather than the exception.

In other words, there's often a lot for them to "unlearn" in recovery.

In early recovery, time spent figuring out who you really are is the best way to find someone to complement your sober life.

When partners of recovering addicts have no personal addiction or recovery experience, it can be helpful for them to know what their loved one has been through and how their loved one developed healthy relationship skills.

As a result, they might view dysfunctional relationships as normal and seek out these types of unhealthy relationships in their new sober life, unless they are made aware of what they are doing and work diligently to release and heal their past.

When they were drinking and using, they may have grown used to doing whatever it took to cover up, excuse, or engage in their addictive behavior.

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Are they actively working a program of recovery (e.g., participating in self-help support meetings, counseling or an aftercare program)?

Before diving into a relationship, find out if your prospective partner is actively using drugs or alcohol, or if they display addictive or compulsive patterns in other areas (e.g., gambling, work, sex, food or spending).

If you care about someone in active addiction, help them into treatment and hold off on turning a friendship into more until they’re grounded in their recovery.

Some PIRs come from unhappy families in which emotional or physical abuse and addiction were common.

Because of this, some PIRs may have developed trust, intimacy, or abandonment issues.




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